How to effectively deal with difficult situations and people , and reestablish inner harmony
In the mind, there is a mixture of disparate energies. It resembles a restless confluence of two oceans. It is natural for the mind to be an active and happening place. It gets its vibrancy from the movement of thoughts. Each thought is a vehicle carrying unique content. People and circumstances from the outer world cannot enter the mind unless they come as an experience, which then becomes the contents of thoughts. Thoughts by themselves are not difficult. It is our relationship with their contents that determine whether we perceive our lives as easy or difficult.
Thoughts by themselves are not difficult. It is our relationship with their contents that determine whether we perceive our lives as easy or difficult.
Some difficulties become a recurrent presence in the mind when there is a strong initial experience that registers in the memory. Unless there is a pre-existing link, through memory, with certain situations or people, they don’t usually register as a lasting experience.
Whatever our experience, how we perceive situations, and people determine whether we are in the relative safety of our inner being or we are in the midst of difficulty. If perception is that of a watcher, it is like riding in a car during a hailstorm. As long as we are inside the vehicle, although we can see rain and hail lashing our surroundings, a layer of glass protects us. But if we step outside, the body takes the brunt of the storm. Similarly, if our perception is that of deep involvement with any experience, we forget the witnessing aspect which offers shelter from painful experiences.
Difficulties are highly relative. What may seem difficult at this moment may become easy at a later point in time. When we perceive an experience as a difficulty, it registers in the memory. Any future related experience will draw upon that memory, and the difficulty will propagate. But when we take a similar experience, as a challenge, will not register in the memory as a difficulty. If we can overcome the challenge, there will be a sense of satisfaction. If we are not able to overcome it, the knowledge gained from experience will remain in our memory. In the future, if similar problems come up, this prior experience may become useful.
Difficulties are highly relative. What may seem difficult at this moment may become easy at a later point in time.
The fundamental cause of seeing any situation or person as difficult is division in the mind. A split exists in the mind between the sense of individuality and the rest, which includes people and circumstances. Greater the sense of identity, the more likely that the mind will be inflexible and set in its ways.
An inflexible mind is a significant handicap. When the mind is flexible like a blade of grass, no matter how difficult the situation may be, the mind bends easily. A big, fully-grown tree may have a sturdy trunk and deep roots. But, when there is a violent storm, a big tree may be easily uprooted. In contrast, a tender blade of grass, although insignificant compared to a large tree, survives such a storm.
An inflexible mind is a significant handicap.
In adults, the resistance offered by the ego creates inflexibility in the mind. The adult ego is like a big tree. Children, in contrast, are very flexible in their approach to life. Childlike innocence is like a blade of grass. For them, there are no problematic situations. They are egoless and bend easily in any given situation.
Many of the thoughts and experiences we identify with water the roots of the ego. The ego does not easily bend with any adverse experience. It points to the outside world as if the fault lies there. Children, whose disposition is like a soft blade of grass, easily go with the flow. They may cry, laugh, feel happy, or sad with changing experiences. But none of those experiences leave a lasting impression. They come and go like clouds in the sky.
It takes a very significant experience to leave a lasting impression on children. However, in adults, it does not take much. Even the slightest stoking of the ego can leave a positive impact, and a gentle push may etch a deep negative impression. Such impressions can last a lifetime, leaving the individual with the bitterness from a long-forgotten experience. To overcome such bitterness, the search for happiness in the world intensifies. Soon, experiences are pitted against each other, while the ego watches and looks for the ones that provide the greatest pleasure. These efforts are tiring and can ultimately result in a lack of satisfaction in life and a constant longing for happiness.
Difficulties invariably arise when we expect others to bring us happiness. It is hard to expect that others will fill our imaginary vessel of joy. They may be doing the same thing, carrying their own expectations. The joy we derive from people and situations can never fully or permanently fill the imaginary vessel of joy we carry. The best we can expect of the world is that the happiness we obtain from it is a supplement to self-generated happiness.
Difficulties invariably arise when we expect others to bring us happiness.
Standing between us and self-generated happiness is the tree-like ego, which expects the world and other people to bend in submission, and provide for our happiness. Accepting that the world need not bend to accommodate our wants and desires is the first knock on the ego. We did not come into the world with a list of demands. We were helpless and at the mercy of the power of love that binds a mother with her child.
Standing between us and self-generated happiness is the tree-like ego, which expects the world and other people to bend in submission, and provide for our happiness.
The body at the mercy of natural forces. This is the case throughout our lives. The most significant natural force that sustains life is the air we breathe. We may have different ideas; we may or may not get along with one another. However, none of us can be at odds with the air we breathe. There is no name or nationality associated with air. The breath which tethers us to the world is like the umbilical cord from which we once derived nourishment.
Air enters the lungs of everyone, whether rich or poor, thief or saint, friend or enemy. It mixes freely with blood and sustains all life. If only people could mix freely and get along in this manner, we would be enjoying and celebrating a whole new dimension of life without such difficulties or unhappiness that we face today.
Difficulties we perceive in the outer world are an extension of the divide that already exists in the mind. The collective divide that exists in each of our minds manifests as the world of today, full of wars, strife, and constant friction amongst groups of people. We have a very complicated relationship with the world. We cannot fix the world that easily. Perhaps the world does not need our intervention in the first place.
Difficulties we perceive in the outer world are an extension of the divide that already exists in the mind.
Our relationship with our mind is also complicated. The ego has its hands in every divide that exists in the mind. In effect, one part of the mind fights with another. The part that we identify as being good fights with the part that we call evil. We hold onto what we consider as good and shun what we consider as bad. However, good and bad experiences are two sides of the same coin. They exist as such on account of how we interpret them. Our interpretations are ultimately comparisons to what we already know. Through such comparisons, we cannot see the whole picture.
Good and bad experiences are two sides of the same coin. They exist as such on account of how we interpret them.
Both the good and the bad exist as thoughts in the mind. The ego makes us see the good in ourselves, and it projects the bad qualities in us onto others. This ‘seeing of the bad in others’ is ultimately a thought. These thoughts, however, are not permanent. They come and go. Understanding the impermanence of thoughts and their contents goes a long way in overcoming difficult situations.
We frequently tell ourselves, “If only I did not have this difficulty, or I did not have to deal with this difficult person, I would be happy.” One part of the mind relates to happiness, and the other part of the mind relates to difficulties. The ego has its hands in both. Therefore, neither wins, the part of the mind that associates with happiness or the part that associates with difficulties. The net result is that we are unhappy. This unhappiness can become such a dominant force that we cannot ignore it. It is reflected in everything we do and in everyone with whom we interact.
There is something in us that is aware of an unhappy state of mind and also a peaceful state of mind. We are more aware of an unhappy state of mind than a happy mind. That ‘something’ that is aware of the state of mind is the inner watcher or awareness. Awareness is the key to the treasure of inner happiness. It has a magical effect on the mind. Merely watching our unhappy state of mind without affirming “I am the one who is unhappy” changes the mind.
We are more aware of an unhappy state of mind than a happy mind.
When we are aware, we become conscious. The difficulties we perceive become part of the dream world of our interpretations. When we live in awareness, obstacles transform into challenges, and life transforms into a game we play. Good and bad experiences turn into learning experiences when our awareness remains equidistant from both.
When our perceptions of people change, their perception of us will also eventually change, and when our perception of situations and circumstances change, their impact on us will also change. When we are consciously aware, we become aware of every thought, without distinguishing between them based on their contents. Difficulties disappear in that awareness.
